Attention Single, Divorced and /or Friendless


Firstly, some facts (this is not me feeling sorry for myself, just facts):

  • I am single (read divorced and/or friendless depending on your situation)
  • I am sick (with no cure on the immediate horizon)
  • I have only one friend who actually visits with me
  • I have no particular interests outside my home

So, I was thinking, is this my lot in life forever? Will I ever meet a prospective partner? How will I meet a prospective partner? Does he deserve a partner who is continually unable to meet her responsibilities? Okay, forget a partner, how about some new friends?

These questions sent my mind racing – I can’t drive more than about 10 kilometres before my arms, shoulders and head start to hurt; I can’t go to parties (even if I was invited) because the noise and other distractions are too much for me to handle; there are no clubs or groups in my area that I wish to join. So, what is a FM sufferer to do?

Why, take to the internet, of course! ‘How to meet new people’ was my search term:

Succeed offered a list of places to meet people

  • Through your friends, significant other, and other people you already know

This point obviously will not work for one in my situation

  • Work

I am still unable to work

  • Volunteering

As I am unable to be reliable in a work situation, I am unable to commit to volunteering. I used to volunteer regularly at a local legal centre – it was incredibly satisfying and I miss being able to help others.

  • Classes

I go to my self-help hydro groups, where the closest person in age to myself is about 25 years older than me. They are a lovely group at Hydro but I doubt greatly that we have very much in common outside being ill and/or disabled.

  • A club or organization

The appeal here is obvious. You join up and you instantly know a group of people who share a similar interest to yours. But what happens if you no longer have any interests? Other than researching fibromyalgia, spreading awareness about fibromyalgia and raising funds for fibromyalgia research. Kind of sounds like I should join or start my own fibromyalgia support group, right?  But, with this type of group, it would probably take all our efforts just to turn up to meetings, let alone maintain friendships outside the group.

  • A sports team or league

Are you kidding?

  • Through your religion

I am not religious. I believe in a higher being but I do not know of a public denomination which shares these same values.

  • Through your kids

Another moot point for me

  • Your living situation

Living in a large building with lots of other people your age around is better than being in a small place with no one who’s similar to you. Guess what my situation is? I live in a block of units (alone) where, currently, there is no-one with any similarities to me at all. How can this happen? (rhetorical question!)

  • Your family

No real help there, although my grandfather (before he died) tried to set me up with a 71-year-old ex-doctor.

  • At a party

Too much noise, too many people, just TOO!

  • An individual sport

How many FM sufferers do you know who do a sport? And I’m not one of them.

  • Online

Hmm…what would my ad look like:

SWF in chronic pain, with control freak tendencies, seeking understanding, compassionate friends with low expectations.

Would any of you answer that one?


There were a number of other suggestions but you get the idea…so, tell me, fibroMAGICians, what do you do?


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  1. I find that I continue to do all that I can. I am 79 and have been diagnosed for about a year. Somedays I just plain stay home and contemplate my navel…otherwise I try to keep occupied, some gym some shopping and lots of down time. My friends and family understand and I feel so blessed. Could have something a lot worse.

  2. I LOVE this post!!!!!!!!!!! You are hilarious and right on the money!!! Maybe you could be an online comedian? You have a great talent for writing and a terrific wit! I always look forward to your post. Thank you for all you do for us “others” Wendy

  3. So timely because I wondee the same thing. Except that I am married. . . . .but wait for the punchline. . .my spouse has fronto temporal degeneration and is unable to play the role of friend, caretaker,partner, etc. Or to even help me with planning for the future and specifically care for both of us. Add stress and pressure and escalate symptoms. So what is the answer?

  4. Right on time!! I too am married but I stress more over how my condition affects her than for myself. I am a person of faith & try to live it therefore I no longer attend church as I never know how the day is going to be for me I can get a little short & angry. I’m told by a neurolgist that my lack of desire to leave the house & my pain is depression & it is where my pain comes from. A visit from my one child which is the only one who lives close & infrequent ones from the church are all I see. The computer doesn’t help much anymore because my fingers, hands & eyes often don’t work. I,m still not eating much so clothes have become a problem. My mother has alziemers & her husband is in bad health if not for him & my wife she would have had to go into the nursing home long ago. Like Morton’s alt, “when it rains it pours.” My faith & ability “from the life of a soldier I guess” along with a good wife is what gets me through. May they soon find a cure meanwhile my thoughts & prayers for all who suffer & endure.

  5. So true. I am single and a recluse.. For who knows or cares what we go through everyday?? Only those that suffer..

  6. I joined the Red Hat Society. It has put me in contact with a group of fun ladies. It’s been a wonderful start to getting out. Here, here, to the awful suggestions above for someone with fibro! I just started taking Raspberry Ketones & Green Tea Extract Capsules by Bio Nutrition (bought at EarthFare-similar to Whole Foods)–check it out on the Dr Oz website. It seems to be helping my fibro–someone else posted on the web that it helped theirs. I had the thought that maybe it would shrink the “fibro toxins” right out of the fat cells and out of the body!

  7. I joined some dating websites. I’ve concluded they are largely useless but I have met some nice people amongst the lot. I want to give it up as I find it frustrating sometimes but Im not sure what else to do really. Hugs xx

  8. OMG they sound just like my thoughts!! I have wondered about setting up a local FM group, but I don’t want to become to involved – I can’t. We do have a lovely garden centre near here, that has a coffee shop and crafting shop. Rather than just sitting dwelling on our condition – I’ve been to groups before and it was so depressing – I though coffee, chatting, and crafting might be something we could all get into, like card making. Obviously I’d need to ask the centre’s owners if we could set up the group, then there’s all the advertising to get people to come…then it seemed like a mountain I didn’t have the energy to climb, so it stopped.
    I too had a voluntary job in a Charity Shop, just one afternoon a week and I LOVED it. I was able to use my creative side and set up the window displays, the manager saw I had such a flare for it, I was able to do all the displays how I wanted each week. But I moved away and there is nowhere like that round here.
    I too end up in classes with people so much older than me and end up spending a lot of time in the company of my Mum (aged 70) and her friends. I’m 40, I should be doing things 40 year olds do!! My sister lives only 100 yards from me and she’s lovely because she occasionally invites me out with her friends, but they are her friends and I always feel like the tag along, there because she said so. Then when I’m out it’s all too much, I sit quietly, unable to join in the conversation – I get lost in what they are saying so easily, I just end up smiling and nodding, although I’m never sure to what!
    I think the most unfortunate thing is that my body might have given up, but my mind is still in there raring to go. Ok so I have brain fog, but I’m not stupid! My mind comes up with all these plans and wonderful things I could be doing, then my body says naff off. All the time I’m alone and not striving, I’m almost happy, time ticks along and I can nearly forget. I play FB games, I watch TV, I read, time just moves and it’s the next day. Then something happens, like this, that starts me thinking again, and life just seems so terribly s**t lol

  9. Finally, you know what I go through every day. It is impossible to explain to non-fibro. folks.

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