– Robert Byrne
In 2008, I hit depression and it hit me back – in fact, it sucked the air out of my lungs, swept my legs out from under me, vacuumed my head of any reasonable thoughts and sat me, quite firmly, on my arse! Supposedly, this was all brought on because I was working full-time in the casino (an intrinsically depressing place at the best of times), while studying part-time for my law degree.
Anyway, at the time, I thought it was because I had no PURPOSE – I was stuck. I had 3 years to go with my degree. I had a mortgage. I couldn’t really look for a meaningful change in career quite yet.
I stuck it out (with a couple of extended pauses in there) and graduated with Honours (just HAD to put that in here!) at the end of 2010. I thought that the noble profession of law would be my PURPOSE.
Well, I only got to practice for one month before my body said: “Tee Hee, ready for the next hurdle?”
So, here I am.
Under legislation, I am not allowed to practice unsupervised for 2 years, but it seems that I can’t work for some-one because I can’t be relied upon for scheduled work days/times. My employer has been very considerate and co-operative in regards to my condition. We have tried different combinations (eg: 3 hours x 3 days per week in the afternoons, working on the weekend when there are no distractions or noise, working late at night when I seem to be less distracted) however none of these have worked on a consistent basis. I cannot envisage how I can maintain employment with this thing called FIBROMYALGIA.
So, once again, I am confronted by what my PURPOSE might be…
Getting up at 6.30am (doctor’s orders) is mighty difficult when there is no reason to be up at that time. Sitting on the couch until my mother can pick me up to take me out is hardly meaningful. Scheduling when to shower so I have enough energy to walk to my doctor’s appointment is not inspiring. Playing with my nieces and nephews will not change the world.
Now, that’s it. My psychologist and I were chatting last week about this topic. She said maybe my legacy would be via my nieces and nephew? But, to me, that’s not good enough – I want to do something big. I NEED to do something worthwhile (not that the kids aren’t worthwhile). I want to DO something, like discover penicillin or change laws.
Hmmm…I do have an idea for a round thing that revolves on an axle and is fixed to another object to enable it to move over the ground?