Sex, Pain and Fibromyalgia

Whether we know it or not, every day we weigh up the pros and cons of doing our every-day activities: if I vacuum the house now, will I have enough energy later to prepare dinner? Is it worth the pain I am going to feel tomorrow to go to that party tonight? Do I really need to go to the supermarket today or is there something in the freezer? Every day, our heads do these calculations just so we can make it to the next day…

Here’s one that only you guys are going to understand…remember the guy that I was banned from seeing? (Yes, it was quite a long time ago) The mutual ‘friend’ who did the banning hasn’t spoken to either of us since then, so we decided we should keep in contact.

pin up 4Long story, short: after 5 months of umm-ing and ah-ing, I had sex!!!

It had been a rather long time between drinks so there was lots of preparations to do: clean the house, change my sheets, prepare supper, waxing, hair-cut, etc, etc. I couldn’t eat anything all day as I have been struggling with major IBS issues and we really wouldn’t want THAT happening!

He had warned me prior that it had been a while for him, too, so there would probably be a need for (at least!) a second act.

Without going into too much detail:


Candy Shop……….chorus



Pump It……….FibroModem and Him

Not Fair……….FibroModem

domAnd with that, he fell asleep…and not a light sleep! I let him rest for an hour then tried to wake him up: a light touch, kissing, tickling, pull the blankets off – I even grabbed a gag gift (cat’o’nine tails) and whipped his butt…he didn’t move!

Talk about disappointment!

And then came the consequences…the next day began with me waking with the inevitable head and face ache. I tried to move from my bed and my skin hurt. I landed on my feet which, once again, felt swollen and broken despite there being no visible problem. My stomach and chest was cramping so I lay on my couch with a heat pack all day.

So weighing up the pros and cons, was it worth it?

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  1. As well as Fibro, I also have Endometriosis. It wouldn’t be worth it for me, sadly, but I hope that you and your friend can manage to continue to have sex.

  2. Did the guy wake up at some point, or is he still asleep in your bed ?
    Maybe he just left when you went to sleep.
    Definitely worth a try, I guess anything (and/or everything) is gonna hurt later on, so nothing to loose I suspect.
    Maybe take things a bit more relaxed, like the all day preparations. Maybe that’s why your riend fell asleep? Too much planning, over medicated ?
    Better luck next time ! I try not to think about Sex, although there’s probably some great benefits from relaxing and being intimate with someone.

  3. Well I seriously hope he made it up to you when he eventually did wake otherwise I guess it might not be worth it.

  4. Lets see…………… did you enjoy any of what happened ? If you enjoyed it then yes it was worth it, but if you didn’t then tell him he owes you a BIG one! That is if he has a big one. Haha xx

  5. Victoria Whitelaw


  6. Well I have given up men…so no sex for me….I just can’t handle any of it..the relationship or the sex…too painful….

  7. Oh dear…nevermind. I think if it turned out better it would have been worth it. There are so many benefits but it would have to at least be enjoyable! Are you sure he doesn’t have fibromyalgia? Imagine he fell asleep! :S

  8. I have been married for nearly 40 years to a man who is both a skilled & patient lover. We have sex at least once a week and it is the only time I am ever pain free. It is so nice for that brief time, but of course, there is a cost.
    I usually cannot move the next day and spend my day sleeping, drugged to the eyeballs. My husband initially blamed himself, and wanted to stop my next day misery, but I enjoy the intimacy and painless state, so it’s my decision to continue.
    I read other fibromyalgia sufferers comments about sex on other sites as well, it seems I am lucky to have someone as caring and well versed on my condition, who also knows how to make me stop thinking about it for an hour!

    • You are incredibly lucky…and I hope to be as lucky as you sometime soon(ish)

      Also thanks for the link to the media kit.

    • Hi, Married for almost 37 years. Industrial accident Nov 2011 left me thinking the pain would stop until my diagnosis of FM in Jan 2013. Sex – I’m lucky I have a man who cares enough to not let it over shadow our lives. Previously our sex was just wonderful and I knew I was a lucky lady and he a lucky man. Now……an unfinished melody but maybe once my meds are sorted etc….glad your experience is constant:)

  9. I thought I was all alone on this subject. Thank you for sharing this. It’s soooo true

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