Is it Giving Up or Acceptance?

imagesA couple of weeks ago, I wrote that I haven’t reached the acceptance stage on the ‘grief scale’ so I don’t think I am qualified (am I ever?) to write about the topic of ACCEPTANCE however I read the following post by Jen Reynolds of FibroTV:

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FibrotvartworkI think one of the most difficult issues to deal with when you are diagnosed with a chronic illness is acceptance. For the first couple years I was angry, in denial, and did everything I wanted to and paid big time every time I did.  I was very young (18) when I was diagnosed and I just wanted to do everything my friends were doing. It was almost like I had to prove to them and myself I was not going to change and would even push harder than a healthy person. I was working full-time  taking care of my boyfriend’s 2 kids 3 to 4 days out of the week, keeping up a 3 bedroom house,  and keeping a very hectic social calendar. This is when I started taking a lot of medication to cover up the symptoms of the poor choices I made that affected my health and began to decline rapidly.

There is almost a mourning process when you get diagnosed. On one hand I was happy they figured out what was wrong but on the other, all I wanted was to be normal again. I held on to a lot of anger because I wanted my life back the way it was. I would try to stay busy every second of the day because once I stopped the pain would be unrelenting and I would think about it more if I did not keep busy. I felt that accepting I was ill was giving in or giving up. What I later realized is that acceptance was key to begin my journey to wellness.

Giving up means that you feel hopeless and that nothing that you do can change the situation so you let yourself go. I ended up doing this for about 12 years. At one point I was on 12 medications and went from 97 pounds to almost 200 pounds in a year. I ate what I wanted because I had the attitude that if I was going to be like this for the rest of my life I should at least be able to enjoy what I eat. I did not know that the food I was eating was making me have more pain and more fatigue. I just did not connect food to pain because it made me feel good to eat it!  I ate fast food at least once a day and I loved having a donut for breakfast because it was cheap and fast before I went to work. My breakfast consisted of a donut or two, a Dr Pepper, two Vicodin  and a Soma. No wonder why I felt so bad! Everything I put into my body when I first woke up had 0 nutrition value and was toxic. I was basically in denial about my health and denied any personal responsibility for taking charge of it and taking care of my body. I would tell myself, ”I did not ask to be sick it is not my fault!” It was not my fault I got sick that is true, but it was my fault for treated my body the way I was and I continued to decline health wise because of it!

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.

~Lao Tzu

I eventually accepted that I had fibromyalgia and started to work on my health. It was actually very empowering to accept that I had fibromyalgia and that I needed to take care of myself physically/mentally/and spiritually. I felt like I had at least some control of my body again.  I started not “overdoing it.” I dropped the process foods with the exception of going out to eat once a week and I started working on my mind and spirit. Once I started doing these things I started seeing small improvements in my health. At times it was very frustrating because the results were so small and they were slow but every small success adds up! It was much easier popping a pill and having that little relief for a short period of time! I saw quick results that way but I developed rebound pain that was even worse than the fibromyalgia and it just was a vicious cycle for me so I made the very personal decision (with the help of my doctor) to go off the medications. Once I got off all the meds (which took about a year) I could not believe the difference in my pain levels.

No matter how sick you are and what stage you are with your acceptance of your chronic condition there are things you can do to improve your health that will decrease pain and help you live a more full and productive life. For each person it will be different depending on what they have and what the underlying cause is for their condition. There is always an underlying cause of a health condition and unfortunately Western medicine never tries to figure it out and gives medications to cover up symptoms. It is just the way Doctors are trained here. They are trained to diagnose and prescribe medications accordingly. We can see with the rapid increase of chronic illness this is not working.  We are in a Nation that supports sick care – there is no “health” in healthcare right now. It is going to be up to YOU to find the underlying cause. The best way to do that is to look back to when you first became ill and what happened during that time. Good Nutrition is always a positive for the body and will make you feel better. Also many conditions are caused from food intolerance’s to ether wheat, dairy, and chemicals in foods that are not supposed to be in the body. If you do have a intolerance to one of these things it is a good thing because that can be resolved! I highly recommend that everyone get tested for food allergies and intolerance’s because it is such an easy fix. BUT we are not just physical beings, so if there are any unresolved issues from your past that cause unresolved anger and resentment that is something that must be dealt with in order to see your symptoms decrease.

Life is a journey and the choices you make every day affect the quality of your life. No one can make positive changes for you, that is something you have to do for yourself. You may always have some symptoms but you can live well-being chronically ill. It will take some lifestyle changes and change is very hard. Us humans are stubborn and resist change, but without change everything will stay the same. If something is not working move forward to the next thing until you find what works best for you. Don’t give up! Accept and move forward making positive healthy choices for yourself. You deserve it!

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Oh! What a Beautiful Morning!

The sun has come through those doggone clouds that have been here all week (and will return soon – Winter is coming!) The sky is blue. And I’m feeling exceptionally positive! (That could be because of the prednisolone, though, because all your warnings were correct and the ups and downs of this drug are berserk!) But everything is better when the sun is shining (except when it is too bright and causes my eyes and head to hurt – can’t I just be happy?)

Today I woke to marvellous comments on all my social media sites – it was almost like it was my birthday…but better – because I didn’t have to get a year older! The total and utter depletion of any energy from my body, that was yesterday, has been replaced with (some) buoyancy.

My Sickness Allowance came in so I was able to pay some money to my VISA. (I don’t even realise how much stress that puts on me until I press the PAY button and I can sigh with (some) relief.)

My wonderful Mommy and her cantankerous (yet loveable) partner, Henry, are going to ambush my previous rheumatologist. I have been waiting 7 weeks for him to complete a medical report so I can continue my appeal for Disability. I’m really glad I’m not going to be there – it will be really loud and embarrassing, but it should scare the shit out of him! There are appropriate times to cause a scene! This is one. If I don’t get that form returned in time, I will miss out on approximately $2000 in back pay. Go Henry!!!!

I am returning to the doctor, armed with all of your drug suggestions, to plot the next path in my course. I was thinking about it yesterday. I’ve decided I want a young, motivated doctor – some-one who is still positive and wants to be the best! some-one who wants to discover new things, who wants to be published, who is willing to experiment with new things! It seems that the older the doctor, the more jaded he has become! We need CHANGE THE WORLD doctors!

This evening, Mommy and I are going to our first BodyBalance class, which is supposed to be a fusion of tai-chi, yoga and pilates. Yay! some-one to come to classes with me! I’m looking forward to it – I can imagine Mommy and I giggling at the back of the room, like schoolgirls, falling and having to help each other up. You know I will let you all know how the class goes.

So, all-in-all, a great (actually, probably really normal – but it’s amazing what a positive attitude will get you) sounding day!

And, in case, you’ve been waiting with bated breath – here are some photos from Z’s party: