A Life of PURPOSE

In 2008, I hit depression and it hit me back – in fact, it sucked the air out of my lungs, swept my legs out from under me, vacuumed my head of any reasonable thoughts and sat me, quite firmly, on my arse! Supposedly, this was all brought on because I was working full-time in the casino (an intrinsically depressing place at the best of times), while studying part-time for my law degree.

Anyway, at the time, I thought it was because I had no PURPOSE – I was stuck. I had 3 years to go with my degree. I had a mortgage. I couldn’t really look for a meaningful change in career quite yet.

I stuck it out (with a couple of extended pauses in there) and graduated with Honours (just HAD to put that in here!) at the end of 2010. I thought that the noble profession of law would be my PURPOSE.

Well, I only got to practice for one month before my body said: “Tee Hee, ready for the next hurdle?”

So, here I am.

Under legislation, I am not allowed to practice unsupervised for 2 years, but it seems that I can’t work for some-one because I can’t be relied upon for scheduled work days/times. My employer has been very considerate and co-operative in regards to my condition. We have tried different combinations (eg: 3 hours x 3 days per week in the afternoons, working on the weekend when there are no distractions or noise, working late at night when I seem to be less distracted) however none of these have worked on a consistent basis. I cannot envisage how I can maintain employment with this thing called FIBROMYALGIA.

So, once again, I am confronted by what my PURPOSE might be…

Getting up at a ‘normal’ hour is mighty difficult when there is no reason to be up at that time. Sitting on the couch until some-one can pick me up to take me out is hardly meaningful. Scheduling when to shower so I have enough energy to walk to my doctor’s appointment is not inspiring. Playing with my nieces and nephews will not change the world.

Now, that’s it. My psychologist and I have chatted about this topic. She said maybe my legacy would be via my nieces and nephew? But, to me, that’s not good enough – I want to do something big. I NEED to do something worthwhile (not that the kids aren’t worthwhile). I want to DO something, like discover penicillin or change laws.

Right now, my entire being seems dedicated towards making people aware of the word FIBROMYALGIA – it is my theory that if we can get the word out there, people will start asking about what it is…THEN we can start spreading information.

The Visible ButterflyThat’s part of the reason I have started some of my awareness projects: the intention behind the VISIBLE Army was to have everybody upload their photos to their profile pictures so that friends (and friends of friends) would start seeing the Word. header

With our THUNDERCLAP, I really don’t expect (although I’d really like it if) everyone uploaded the cover photo attached to the Thunderclap message but, even if they don’t, at least, the Word will be spread to as many people as possible. (Have you supported and/or promoted our Thunderclap yet?)

FCKI have recently started FCK: a directory of Bloggers who educate, support, enlighten, inform, inspire and motivate people about and with Fibromyalgia. Yes, the logo may be confronting and controversial (most people can’t help but add a ‘U’) but I think it’s about time we start ‘branding’ our awareness campaign. We NEED to stand out! We NEED people to take notice. We NEED people to ask what it is. So, I’m hoping that as the directory grows and more people share the link, more people will see the banner and actually ask about it.

I guess we all need a purpose…