Yesterday, I (with my Mommy) was running late for my pain specialist. I hate running late. It stresses me out. I think it is incredibly rude. But, yesterday, when my Mommy was apologising for making us late, I was just ‘whatever.’
Then I thought about it and I’ve been ‘whatever’ for quite a while. It’s not such a bad feeling – it’s stress-less, very laid back and unemotional. But it’s very nothing.
I also noticed that I haven’t been writing anything personal on this blog – it’s been all about research and studies. It’s because there is nothing.
I think I’m on too many drugs…
When I was first diagnosed, (other than a quick dose of steroids) I was immediately put on Lyrica. Anytime I felt more pain, the doctors increased my dosage…my current Lyrica dosage is 225mg both morning and night.
I also take 150mg of Sertraline for depression – it used to 100 mg but during this ‘whatever, nothing’ stage, I felt that I needed something extra. My GP was happy to increase the dose. There’s also 1100ʮg per week of Thyroxine for my under-active thyroid; the Pill (I went off it (because who’s having any sex?) but my periods were unbearable!); and, of course, there’s all the supplements that we’re supposed to take: vitamin D, Red Krill Oil, D-Ribose, Sam-E, CoQ10, and a multi-vitamin.
Anyway, my point is that no-one tried anything except the Lyrica…why not?
So, having visited the pain specialist yesterday, we’re trying something else: I’m running out of all the supplements at the moment, so I’m just going to stop them as the bottles empty; and I’m going to wean off the Lyrica:
Because this ‘whatever, nothing’ just isn’t good enough. I want more. I NEED more!