Yesterday, I (with my Mommy) was running late for my pain specialist. I hate running late. It stresses me out. I think it is incredibly rude. But, yesterday, when my Mommy was apologising for making us late, I was just ‘whatever.’

Then I thought about it and I’ve been ‘whatever’ for quite a while. It’s not such a bad feeling – it’s stress-less, very laid back and unemotional. But it’s very nothing.

I also noticed that I haven’t been writing anything personal on this blog – it’s been all about research and studies. It’s because there is nothing.

I think I’m on too many drugs…

When I was first diagnosed, (other than a quick dose of steroids) I was immediately put on Lyrica. Anytime I felt more pain, the doctors increased my dosage…my current Lyrica dosage is 225mg both morning and night.

I also take 150mg of Sertraline for depression – it used to 100 mg but during this ‘whatever, nothing’ stage, I felt that I needed something extra. My GP was happy to increase the dose. There’s also 1100ʮg per week of Thyroxine for my under-active thyroid; the Pill (I went off it (because who’s having any sex?) but my periods were unbearable!); and, of course, there’s all the supplements that we’re supposed to take: vitamin D, Red Krill Oil, D-Ribose, Sam-E, CoQ10, and a multi-vitamin.

Anyway, my point is that no-one tried anything except the Lyrica…why not?

So, having visited the pain specialist yesterday, we’re trying something else: I’m running out of all the supplements at the moment, so I’m just going to stop them as the bottles empty; and I’m going to wean off the Lyrica:


Because this ‘whatever, nothing’ just isn’t good enough. I want more. I NEED more!

God Made Everything out of Nothing, But the Nothingness Shows Through.

– Paul Valery

Today, I have nothing (at least, so far).

I am seriously dedicated to maintaining this blog regularly but, today my brain is empty – maybe no thoughts can get through when it is surrounded by pain. This is Day 2 of feeling particularly delicate so I’m sitting in my cave, hoping to feel more robust later (as I have something I really want to do), trying to stretch out my aching body parts (a warm water swim would be great about now!), with cooling gel strips stuck to my cheeks, in the dark.

Anyway, after that little non-funded advertisement, I still am empty of any coherent thought that I think might be stimulating and I don’t seem to have any inspiring little quotes or funny self- deprecating cartoons hanging around, so I shall close the laptop, take some medication and, hopefully, go to sleep.

It will all be better when I wake up!

The Tank is Empty – Time to Refuel

After spending 5 hours with my nephew on Saturday (where my semi-step niece popped over for 3 hours, too)

Naomi cleaning the yard

My beautiful nephew, Z.






and a children’s birthday party on Sunday, I have nothing left for today.

But it was worth it!




And this is my giggle (morbid thought) for the day:

How I'm feeling today...