Find the Essence Within

Give yourself a gift this holiday season…find the essence within.

chronic comic 172We, as people, are forever attempting to be someone other than who we authentically are. We read an array of self-help books with the idea of attaining skills enabling us to connect with our true essence. Many of us have read it all before and yet we continue to strive to be that being outside of ourselves. Why would we endeavour to change the essence within when perfection comes from our own uniqueness?

Society, our peers, upbringing, education and the media gently, yet effectively, drive us to believe we are not quite good enough and change is desirable. In actual fact, the opposite rings true.

Our authentic self is never lost, only hidden. Some ideas I have personally discovered in order to rediscover the true essence within myself are:

  • Repeat as often as possible, “I am perfect exactly as I am”.
  • Ask yourself, what did I enjoy as a child? Singing, dancing, writing, public speaking, creating, poetry, carpentry etc.
  • Then reintroduce at least one of these activities into your life. Who knows where it may lead. You may meet new friends or create an innovative business idea from something you actually love doing.
  • Ignore societal views regarding age barriers. Who says you cannot be a famous violinist? Did you know current neuroscience research demonstrates that our brain is plastic and forever changing, growing and learning, irrelevant of age. Dreams are not just for the young (or perfectly healthy)!
  • Say what you think and feel (of course, with a splash of diplomacy). It is not your job to tiptoe around others, making them feel comfortable at the expense of your own needs. Allow yourself to be lazy occasionally. There is too much pressure to be amazingly driven and goal oriented. It is okay to do nothing at times, staring into space thinking, dreaming and being vague – this is the space where connection with your inner voice is sometimes heard. Goals can be considered only once you have heard your inner voice, as there resides your base for building your life.
  • Make choices based on YOUR OWN dreams. For example, many find it desirable to own a home; but, perhaps you would prefer to be a resident of the world and rent in different cities. Maybe you would rather own a business and inject your earnings into a creative idea.
  • Be motivated by your soul, not by guilt. We are easily driven off our path through guilt. Guilt is not a good motivator. Guilt is instilled through various means that create a belief system from which we operate in later years. Let us all tame guilt and be free.

You may note a general theme running through the above ideas. You discover you by allowing yourself the freedom to make choices and decisions only for you. It may appear self-centred to approach life in this manner. The opposite is true. People who genuinely love you will be happy you are treating yourself as your own best friend. Your authentic way of life will encourage others to do the same and this will impact on their circles as well.


Reprinted from the December issue of LIVING WELL with FIBROMYALGIA – like it? Subscribe for the next issue HERE


Embracing (and loving) my Bills


I LOVE paying bills! Am I nuts? Or what?

Unpaid bills stress me out big time BUT the relief and sense of satisfaction, when I press confirm on the keyboard and wait to receive my receipt number, leaves me feeling back in control of my life.

Are you seeing a continuing theme here?

I NEEDED to de-clutter my house to feel like I was gaining control over my life…

I LOVE paying my bills for the exact same reason…

Am I a control freak?

The phrase was first used in the late 1960s — an era when great stress was laid on the principle of ‘doing one’s own thing’ and letting others do the same.

Control freaks are often perfectionists, who believe if they are not in total control, they risk  exposing their own inner vulnerabilities. When a control freak’s pattern is broken, “the Controller is left with a terrible feeling of powerlessness … But feeling their pain and fear brings them back to themselves”.(Patricia Evans, Controlling People (Avon 2002) p. 129 and p. 274)

I know that I NEED to control my own environment (and I’m very lucky as I live alone and can do so) because I feel powerless against my Fibromyalgia. I take all the appropriate medication; I pace myself as applicable; I supplement my diet with numerous vitamins and minerals; I have embraced a multi-modal treatment plan; and I have all the tools in my toolbox to help control my pain YET, if my body decides it wants to FLARE, there is nothing I can do about the pain and fatigue, except to give in to it. So, of course, I feel powerless – don’t you?

Many control freaks (now using the term without any derogatory meanings) are Type A personalities. Hmm…many sufferers of FM are Type A personalities.

Coincidence?  Could FM be your body’s alert system to take it easy, to stop and smell the roses, to let the universe handle the world around you?

Are you a control freak?