The Purpose of Life is a Life of PURPOSE

– Robert Byrne

In 2008, I hit depression and it hit me back – in fact, it sucked the air out of my lungs, swept my legs out from under me, vacuumed my head of any reasonable thoughts and sat me, quite firmly, on my arse! Supposedly, this was all brought on because I was working full-time in the casino (an intrinsically depressing place at the best of times), while studying part-time for my law degree.

Anyway, at the time, I thought it was because I had no PURPOSE – I was stuck. I had 3 years to go with my degree. I had a mortgage. I couldn’t really look for a meaningful change in career quite yet.

I stuck it out (with a couple of extended pauses in there) and graduated with Honours (just HAD to put that in here!) at the end of 2010. I thought that the noble profession of law would be my PURPOSE.

Well, I only got to practice for one month before my body said: “Tee Hee, ready for the next hurdle?”

So, here I am.

Under legislation, I am not allowed to practice unsupervised for 2 years, but it seems that I can’t work for some-one because I can’t be relied upon for scheduled work days/times. My employer has been very considerate and co-operative in regards to my condition. We have tried different combinations (eg: 3 hours x 3 days per week in the afternoons, working on the weekend when there are no distractions or noise, working late at night when I seem to be less distracted) however none of these have worked on a consistent basis. I cannot envisage how I can maintain employment with this thing called FIBROMYALGIA.

So, once again, I am confronted by what my PURPOSE might be…

Getting up at 6.30am (doctor’s orders) is mighty difficult when there is no reason to be up at that time. Sitting on the couch until my mother can pick me up to take me out is hardly meaningful. Scheduling when to shower so I have enough energy to walk to my doctor’s appointment is not inspiring. Playing with my nieces and nephews will not change the world.

Now, that’s it. My psychologist and I were chatting last week about this topic. She said maybe my legacy would be via my nieces and nephew? But, to me, that’s not good enough – I want to do something big. I NEED to do something worthwhile (not that the kids aren’t worthwhile). I want to DO something, like discover penicillin or change laws.

Hmmm…I do have an idea for a round thing that revolves on an axle and is fixed to another object to enable it to move over the ground?

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5 Comments

  1. I hear you my friend. I suffer from lack of purpose and where is this life taking me.. and I don’t have an illness that I can use as a reason.
    Having seen first hand how much you threw into your law degree I can only try and imagine how frustrating it is not to be able to use your skills now.
    I could give you a purpose…. tutor me to get me through the rest of my degree. It might not pay the bills, but it’s flexible, and makes use of your brilliant mind.
    I wish I had that ultimate magic wand that I could wave and give you back the life that you deserve and worked so hard to achieve.
    Always thinking of you x

  2. PS… don’t want to burst your bubble but I think someone has stolen your idea for a round thing that revolves on an axle … should have put a patent on it straight away!!

  3. Can’t wait to here more, meantime I know the feeling. My university degree sits untouched, my nieces and nephews are my favourite people in the world… but I need more. Then again, I wonder if more is happening without you even being aware of it?

  4. Methinks your purpose may be here, on this page, giving help, support, inspiration to Fibro sufferers. Make this the first place Fibro sufferers look when diagnosed, fill this page / site with meaningful experiences form yourself and subscribers, fill it with helps and tips that real people have found helped them so that they can experiment and find a personal regime for them.

    Oh and what kind of Quack Doctor is telling you to get up at 06.30 each day as part of a cure. HELLO Fibro doesn’t recognise a 24 hour clock…… IMHO your body tells you when you have enough energy to get up… not the clock…

  5. Ahh yes, the “keep the regular schedule and daily routine” advice. It’s not just fibro – it’s all of us, the chronic pain, can’t work, suffering from depression and assorted other emotional disorders gang. It’s good advice overall but 6:30??? Please. That’s a bit much.

    I used to be pretty successful. I was an environmental consultant on DOD contracts. Specialized in stuff that not many other people did, flew all over the country to work on high profile contracts. My full time job now is getting out of bed every day and fighting insurance companies. Come to DC…with your law background, you could definitely do some good on the hill lobbying against those guys!

    Sorry for the crappy situation you’ve found yourself in, and for all the pain. I know a lot of fibromites. We tend to end up in the same circles (we being the migraineurs). Good luck to you Purplelawlady…I look forward to seeing more of your work here.

Got an opinion?